Conservatives Explain Why They Are Homeschooling Their Kids

“Schools are funded by taxes, taxation is theft, and I’ll be damned if I let my own children steal from me.”

“If I can keep my kid from knowing Black people exist until he’s 18, he might just turn out okay.”

“Husband forbids his wives and children from leaving the Great Compound lest we fall prey to outside treachery. It’s better this way.”

“The final straw was opening up my kid’s grammar book and seeing a whole section about pronouns.”

“The public schools in Arkansas are a disgrace.”

“I’ll never allow my child to learn something I don’t already know.”

“There’s nothing they can learn in school that I can’t explain incoherently.”

“One day, my daughter came home from kindergarten and showed me a sketch of her holding hands with another girl. I de-enrolled her right on the spot. Turns out the girl in the drawing was supposed to be me, but I stand by my decision.”

“​I won’t subject my son to a school where they only say the Pledge of Allegiance once a day.”

“It’s what I told the judge in truancy court.”

“My 8-year-old learns best when Tucker Carlson is yelling in the background.”

“Go ahead and try to find a school teacher who knows more than me about commercial and residential carpets.”

“You can start your school year in October and then buy all the school supplies at a discount! It’s fucking genius!”

“I used to drop my kid off at school, and they’d come home knowing about fractions or something. How’d that happen? Why wasn’t someone watching?”

“Getting to eat lunch every day was making them entitled.”

“I’ve seen the damage someone like me can do in the classroom.”

“Thanks to the flexibility that homeschooling provides, my kids can work longer hours at my steel mill.”

“I ostracized all of my adult friends and needed someone to talk to during the day.”

“Most schools in our district barely touch on Henderson family history these days.”

“I just can’t trust the public school system to keep up with my child’s advanced levels of indoctrination.”

“I thought being around kids her own age all day was bad for her social development.”

“There’s so much more opportunity for content creation when we have the whole day together.”

“If my kid’s going to get shot in class, I’d rather it be from me.”